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MY NAME IS ________ AND I AM CANADIAN!!!
Hey, Im not a lumberjack or a fur-trader. And
I dont live in an Igloo, eat blubber or own a Dog-Sled.
And I dont know Jimmy, Sally or Suzie from Canada, although Im
certain theyre very, very nice.
I have a Prime-Minister, not a President. I speak English and French, not American. I
can proudly sew my countrys flag on my backpack.
I believe in Peace-Keeping, not policing, diversity, not assimilation,
and that the Beaver is a truly proud and noble animal!
A toque is a hat! A chesterfield is a couch! And it IS pronounced
'Zed' not 'Zee', 'Zed'!!
Canada is the second largest land-mass, the first nation of hockey, and the best part of North
America!
My name is DAVE and I am Canadian!!!!!
Thank you.
SO, WHAT DOES A CANADIAN HAVE TO BE PROUD OF?
1. Smarties.
2. Crispy Crunch.
3. Coffee
Crisp.
4. The size of our football fields is 10 yards longer, and we have one less down.
5. Lacrosse is Canadian
6.
Hockey is Canadian
7. Basketball is Canadian
8. Superman is Canadian
9. Wolverine is Canadian
10. Mr. Dress-up
can kick Mr. Rogers' butt!
11. Tim Horton's kicks Dunkin Donuts' butt!
12. In the war of 1812, Canadians pushed the
Americans so far back...passed their 'White House'. We burned it...and most of Washington under the command of William Lyon
Mackenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away so we came home and partied...go figure.
13. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.
14. We have the largest English population
that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war.
15. Our civil war was a big bar fight that lasted a little over
an hour.
16. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept in and missed the
whole thing...but showed up just in time to get caught.
17. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
18.
The Hudsons Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earths surface and is still around as the worlds oldest Company.
19.
The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.
20. We still know what to do with
all the parts of a buffalo.
21. We don't marry our kin-folk.
22. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, Velcro, zippers,
zambonis, the toilet bowl, the long distance and short wave radios that save countless lives each year.
23. We ALL have
frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.
24. Oh ya and the handles on our beer cases are big
enough to fit your hands with mitts on.
A sense of balance
Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for seven
days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look at what
I have made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and asked, "What is it?"
"Its a planet, replied God, and Ive put life
on it. I am going to call it Earth and its going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.
"For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity
and wealth, while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the middle east over there will be a hot spot. Over there Ive placed
a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries,
"This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel impressed
by Gods work, then pointed to a large landmass in the top corner and asked, "Whats that one?"
"Ah," God said, "That's
Canada, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams, and an exquisite coastline.
The people in Canada are going to be modest, intelligent, and humorous and theyre going to be found travelling the world.
Theyll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and
carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there
would be balance."
God replied wisely: "Wait until you see the loud-mouthed idiots Im putting next to them."
This is what you say when an American asks: You're from Canada? WOW! Musta been COLD!!!
Yes...Canada...it was a frozen hostile wasteland....and there was much work to be done if we were
to survive the elements.
After boring a hole through the ice for food........my friend NANTUK and I would build an igloo to
protect us from Polar Bears.........and flying Hockey Pucks.
Then we would drink aloooot of beer!
And when Nantuk was ready, he would tell me the story of the Great Moose who said to the Little Squirrel:
"Hey ROCKY! Watch me pull a Rabbit outta my hat!"
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